From a recent purchase I made at Despair, Inc:
Again, thanks for your recent order from Despair, Inc.
If you have received this email, it means that your credit card information proved valid and that your order has been sent. You might assume now that we have your money that you’re in for better treatment. You might also assume that if you try really hard, you will succeed. But your assumptions would, in both cases, be completely wrong.
And that is why you REALLY need our products.
Regardless of those sad facts, we have some good news for you. The Demotivators(R) Greatest Hits Notecard Pack is currently available for purchase at a 20% discount through the end of the year. That’s almost a significant enough discount to constitute something slightly less than not quite highway robbery… Why not take the chance to prove to your friends, relatives and coworkers that you cared enough to send the very worst – or that you didn’t care at all – by dropping them a card!
You’ll be sorry you did, but nowhere near as sorry as they will be.
As always, if you have questions, please fill out a troubled ticket on the web at:
We’ll do our best to solve the problem, since, you know, we already have your money.
Founder & COO,